This post is so beautiful and truly needed. I’m in my second year of university, and ever since high school, most of the conversations I’ve had with friends have centered around men and our hopes for marriage. As you pointed out, it’s not inherently bad, but it shouldn’t be our end-all, be-all.
I completely understand the desire for marriage to avoid fitna or to feel seen and heard. But it’s so important to remember that we are already seen and heard by the most significant and abundant source of love, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala 🥹❤️.
Interestingly, over the past few weeks, I’ve been actively working on decentering men and marriage from my life, trusting that it will come when Allah deems the time right. It’s definitely a shift in mindset, but I’ve tucked my wedding Pinterest board away and am focusing instead on strengthening my relationship with Allah, spending time with friends and family, working on personal growth, and exploring new hobbies—like starting my blog here.
Alhamdulillah, Allah has created us in pairs, and there’s someone out there for each of us. But Alhamdulillah also for the countless fulfilling parts of life beyond marriage, whether it’s deepening our faith, pursuing our passions, or cherishing moments with loved ones. I’m grateful for the many beautiful experiences and blessings Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala has graciously allowed me to enjoy.
Hi, So I have also been working on not focusing on this topic but I find myself like wavering. What are some of the things that helped you stay firm and what are some duas that helped you?
I completely understand how you feel, and may Allah make this journey easier for both of us. 🌸 It’s natural to have moments of wavering, but what comforts me is the reminder that life continues to go on. Life continues beyond any one stage, including marriage, and each phase comes with its own tests and blessings. It helps to focus on the bigger picture: we were created to worship Allah, and everything else in life, including marriage, is a means to draw closer to Him.
When I find myself overly focused on this topic, I pause and reflect on what I can work on now to become the best version of myself—for both this dunya (including my future marriage) and the akhirah. These are timeless investments that will benefit us no matter what stage of life we’re in, in sha Allah.
Spiritually, duas and dhikr keep my heart grounded. One of my favorite duas is:
"Rabbana hablana min azwajina wa dhurriyatina qurrata a’yunin wa-j’alna lil-muttaqeena imama"
(Our Lord, grant us from among our spouses and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous. ~ [Surah Al-Furqan: 74]
This beautiful dua reminds me to trust Allah’s timing and to seek righteous companionship and not just any companionship. Another helpful reminder is ”Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal" (Praise be to Allah in every circumstance), which encourages us to shift our minds to gratitude and contentment even on our moments of FOMO or dissatisfaction.
On a practical level, I’ve learned to recognize that emotions naturally come and go. Sometimes, our emotions naturally fluctuate, and there are periods when certain thoughts may occupy our minds more frequently. Being aware of these patterns helps me approach the topic with more understanding and self-compassion.
Finally, tawakkul is essential. Trusting that Allah is keeping us where we need to be so we can grow and prepare for what’s ahead is incredibly reassuring. Marriage is a significant responsibility, and in His mercy, Allah is giving us time to build ourselves before entrusting us with that role.
May Allah grant us steadfastness, patience, and contentment with His decree, and may He bless us with the best in this life and the next. Ameen. 💖
JazakAllahu Khair for sharing your thoughts. Please feel free to reach out if you’d like to continue this conversation—I’d love to exchange more reflections in a way that benefits us both, in sha Allah!
Walikumassalam, Jazakallah Khair for your detailed advice both spiritual and practical. Ameen for all the duas. May Allah(S.W.T) accept this from you. Ameen. I’d love to continue this conversation but like a bit privately if that’s okay. 😅
I don't know if you had men in your mind as part of your audience, but this is a very based read as a guy. God bless y'all and there's so much that can be said in conversation with this post, but I'll just say that that uncle in the photo is hilarious and made me laugh. I hope to be cool like him someday, not caring too much what the world might think. Your message to women is pretty applicable to men as well. And how awesome is it that your mom is graduating from uni! I've been telling my mom she should go to school now, and while that prob won't happen, I think just from a neurological pov, continuing education and hobbies is so so important as people enter their later years. It keeps the plasticity going and gives them things to do after a whole career of raising children (esp for the stay-at-home mothers).
As a Muslim girl that spent the later part of my teens on social media, being exposed to hyper romanticized content was a good escape initially but as I grew older I took a step back from consuming this type of content because as much as they give you something to dream about, they also implant thos false image of marriage and i began to find them shallow.
Thank you once again for sharing your thoughts and echoing what many have been thinking.
love this topic but the two images you chose took me out 😂 on a serious note and like you mentioned, Allah is the best of planners and we should use the intuition and judgement He gave us to try and look past physical attraction and societal pressures to make the best decisions for this life and the next. who you marry, if you choose to, is so so important.
my brain felt so smooth reading each and every line of this post. Nawal you're so great at this! I love your writing as well as your fashion and how modest you are. truly an inspo for me to give writing a shot!! 🩷
This was so insightful and well put. Even now that I’m married, I often find myself comparing my relationship or wedding to what I see on social media and stressing out but then I have to pause😂😂and realise I’m legit happy with what we’ve got, the only thing that matters is us two at the end of the day.
I'm going to respectfully push back on the thesis of your essay here. I think it defeats your own argument to encourage young Muslim women in the West not to romanticize marriage...when you met your husband as a teenager. Why should anyone take marriage and romance advice from you?
Truely a bizarre comment to make. You can disagree with my writing which is so fine, but making a comment like that is just weird. Ending the conversation here, I hope you find some peace today.
Interesting feedback. Respectfully I don’t think you read my article entirely? or maybe without fully understanding it? I emphasised how I’m not one to give advice and I’m not. I’m talking about the over romanticising of marriage to the point where we gloss over the reality of it (it can be hard). It’s not an advice essay more so just unpacking both perspectives that are being talked about online.
I guess we both have different ideas about what an "advice essay" is, considering yours is an editorial post with a public audience that you intend to read your work. Maybe we're misunderstanding each other.
I grew up around fundamentalist, evangelical Christians, and sure enough by ages 19 and 20, they'd all flash their engagement rings around while simultaneously telling their peers that marriage is such hard work, and that they too would find their prince someday, so don't fret! Your not-an-advice-essay feels as disingenuous as that.
Certainly! I saw in one of your previous posts that your mother is white; no wonder a Muslim man slid into your dms at a young age. I wonder if you’ll ever write a substack on how whiteness and desirability in the Muslim community affected your story of “romance core.”
such a great read!!! i read somthing pretty similar to this known as “muslim girl brainrot” and that was so eye-opening. it quite literally is brain rot. as you mentioned, it is half of our deen, but we obsess over this so muchhhhh like we have a WHOLE ANOTHER PART you know what i mean? seeing it as *just* half part of our deen made my thought process towards marriage and love really change specially as a teenager still.
This post is so beautiful and truly needed. I’m in my second year of university, and ever since high school, most of the conversations I’ve had with friends have centered around men and our hopes for marriage. As you pointed out, it’s not inherently bad, but it shouldn’t be our end-all, be-all.
I completely understand the desire for marriage to avoid fitna or to feel seen and heard. But it’s so important to remember that we are already seen and heard by the most significant and abundant source of love, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala 🥹❤️.
Interestingly, over the past few weeks, I’ve been actively working on decentering men and marriage from my life, trusting that it will come when Allah deems the time right. It’s definitely a shift in mindset, but I’ve tucked my wedding Pinterest board away and am focusing instead on strengthening my relationship with Allah, spending time with friends and family, working on personal growth, and exploring new hobbies—like starting my blog here.
Alhamdulillah, Allah has created us in pairs, and there’s someone out there for each of us. But Alhamdulillah also for the countless fulfilling parts of life beyond marriage, whether it’s deepening our faith, pursuing our passions, or cherishing moments with loved ones. I’m grateful for the many beautiful experiences and blessings Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala has graciously allowed me to enjoy.
- AO
Hi, So I have also been working on not focusing on this topic but I find myself like wavering. What are some of the things that helped you stay firm and what are some duas that helped you?
Assalamu'alaikum
I completely understand how you feel, and may Allah make this journey easier for both of us. 🌸 It’s natural to have moments of wavering, but what comforts me is the reminder that life continues to go on. Life continues beyond any one stage, including marriage, and each phase comes with its own tests and blessings. It helps to focus on the bigger picture: we were created to worship Allah, and everything else in life, including marriage, is a means to draw closer to Him.
When I find myself overly focused on this topic, I pause and reflect on what I can work on now to become the best version of myself—for both this dunya (including my future marriage) and the akhirah. These are timeless investments that will benefit us no matter what stage of life we’re in, in sha Allah.
Spiritually, duas and dhikr keep my heart grounded. One of my favorite duas is:
"Rabbana hablana min azwajina wa dhurriyatina qurrata a’yunin wa-j’alna lil-muttaqeena imama"
(Our Lord, grant us from among our spouses and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous. ~ [Surah Al-Furqan: 74]
This beautiful dua reminds me to trust Allah’s timing and to seek righteous companionship and not just any companionship. Another helpful reminder is ”Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal" (Praise be to Allah in every circumstance), which encourages us to shift our minds to gratitude and contentment even on our moments of FOMO or dissatisfaction.
On a practical level, I’ve learned to recognize that emotions naturally come and go. Sometimes, our emotions naturally fluctuate, and there are periods when certain thoughts may occupy our minds more frequently. Being aware of these patterns helps me approach the topic with more understanding and self-compassion.
Finally, tawakkul is essential. Trusting that Allah is keeping us where we need to be so we can grow and prepare for what’s ahead is incredibly reassuring. Marriage is a significant responsibility, and in His mercy, Allah is giving us time to build ourselves before entrusting us with that role.
May Allah grant us steadfastness, patience, and contentment with His decree, and may He bless us with the best in this life and the next. Ameen. 💖
JazakAllahu Khair for sharing your thoughts. Please feel free to reach out if you’d like to continue this conversation—I’d love to exchange more reflections in a way that benefits us both, in sha Allah!
Walikumassalam, Jazakallah Khair for your detailed advice both spiritual and practical. Ameen for all the duas. May Allah(S.W.T) accept this from you. Ameen. I’d love to continue this conversation but like a bit privately if that’s okay. 😅
I don't know if you had men in your mind as part of your audience, but this is a very based read as a guy. God bless y'all and there's so much that can be said in conversation with this post, but I'll just say that that uncle in the photo is hilarious and made me laugh. I hope to be cool like him someday, not caring too much what the world might think. Your message to women is pretty applicable to men as well. And how awesome is it that your mom is graduating from uni! I've been telling my mom she should go to school now, and while that prob won't happen, I think just from a neurological pov, continuing education and hobbies is so so important as people enter their later years. It keeps the plasticity going and gives them things to do after a whole career of raising children (esp for the stay-at-home mothers).
Thank you for this.
You really touched on all areas.
As a Muslim girl that spent the later part of my teens on social media, being exposed to hyper romanticized content was a good escape initially but as I grew older I took a step back from consuming this type of content because as much as they give you something to dream about, they also implant thos false image of marriage and i began to find them shallow.
Thank you once again for sharing your thoughts and echoing what many have been thinking.
love this topic but the two images you chose took me out 😂 on a serious note and like you mentioned, Allah is the best of planners and we should use the intuition and judgement He gave us to try and look past physical attraction and societal pressures to make the best decisions for this life and the next. who you marry, if you choose to, is so so important.
my brain felt so smooth reading each and every line of this post. Nawal you're so great at this! I love your writing as well as your fashion and how modest you are. truly an inspo for me to give writing a shot!! 🩷
So kind! Thank-you so much 🥹🥹
Yes yes yes!!! This was beautifully written and needs to be talked about like this more 🤍
such a thorough reflection. i feel a sense of relief and hope reading this piece. carry on writing✨
So beautiful
so beautiful and real!
This was so insightful and well put. Even now that I’m married, I often find myself comparing my relationship or wedding to what I see on social media and stressing out but then I have to pause😂😂and realise I’m legit happy with what we’ve got, the only thing that matters is us two at the end of the day.
YES! ♥️
needed to hear this💞
I'm going to respectfully push back on the thesis of your essay here. I think it defeats your own argument to encourage young Muslim women in the West not to romanticize marriage...when you met your husband as a teenager. Why should anyone take marriage and romance advice from you?
Truely a bizarre comment to make. You can disagree with my writing which is so fine, but making a comment like that is just weird. Ending the conversation here, I hope you find some peace today.
Classic white privilege reaction. Have a great day.
no way LMAOO 😭😭😭
whiteness and proximity to white womanhood is the reason he slid in those dms. and it's the reason you think you can lecture muslim woman on marriage.
Interesting feedback. Respectfully I don’t think you read my article entirely? or maybe without fully understanding it? I emphasised how I’m not one to give advice and I’m not. I’m talking about the over romanticising of marriage to the point where we gloss over the reality of it (it can be hard). It’s not an advice essay more so just unpacking both perspectives that are being talked about online.
I guess we both have different ideas about what an "advice essay" is, considering yours is an editorial post with a public audience that you intend to read your work. Maybe we're misunderstanding each other.
I grew up around fundamentalist, evangelical Christians, and sure enough by ages 19 and 20, they'd all flash their engagement rings around while simultaneously telling their peers that marriage is such hard work, and that they too would find their prince someday, so don't fret! Your not-an-advice-essay feels as disingenuous as that.
It seems this piece didn’t serve you and that’s okay! It’s not for everyone. 💘
Certainly! I saw in one of your previous posts that your mother is white; no wonder a Muslim man slid into your dms at a young age. I wonder if you’ll ever write a substack on how whiteness and desirability in the Muslim community affected your story of “romance core.”
Maybe! <3
such a great read!!! i read somthing pretty similar to this known as “muslim girl brainrot” and that was so eye-opening. it quite literally is brain rot. as you mentioned, it is half of our deen, but we obsess over this so muchhhhh like we have a WHOLE ANOTHER PART you know what i mean? seeing it as *just* half part of our deen made my thought process towards marriage and love really change specially as a teenager still.
A truly lovely read, you inspire me wishing you all the best in this life and the next💕
Peace be upon you. Oh God, grant me a righteous Muslim wife. Pray for my success....امين 🤲🤲السلام عليكم ورحمه الله وبركاته